For Nicholas (even though you will never see it)

To my Dearest Nicholas

i have not been totally honest with you i have told you i love you but the truth is i dont know if i do i want to but i feel if i open my heart to you it will only give you a chance to break it i dont know wether or not to trust you i really want to but i met you through a bad crowd i want to believe you arent like the rest of your group but i dnt know i just cant and i dont know why and it hurts cos i really do want to hurt you but it feels as though i already have the whole world resting on my shoulders and i just cant handle a relationship at the moment but of course i culd never tell you this and of course you will never know as you will never read this even thgough a small part of me really wishes you would i just cant do this anymore every day i get closer and closer to suicide.

Funny thing is the only thing keeping me alive is (besides my frends) nick but whats wierd is it isnt you nick its nick from dubbo its not that i like him or anything its just i can relate to him amd he always manages to talk me out of it and i love him (as a mate) for it if it werent for him my dear nicholas you wuld not have me right now so i believe we both owe him a big thank you

so Nick (from dubbo) I THANK YOU SOOO VERY MUCH FOR SAVING MY LIFE ON MORE THEN ONE OCCASION ily xx

comment but no haters

peace xx